My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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