So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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