five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
