Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I am mentally ready for anal.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
