my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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