How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
