I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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