I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize