i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
