We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
