He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
