i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
