Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
