You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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