I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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