he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You were trust falling into bushes
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
