so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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