if you like me you must not know who I am
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
should my penis look like a turkey
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
