i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Randomize
