I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
its not stalking. its research.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize