listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
