Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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