I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
