I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
