Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
