I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
this is an emotional support booty call
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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