Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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