Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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