There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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