The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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