is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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