he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
