why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
