I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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