You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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