Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
you made out with another girl for some wings
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
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