This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
