I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
