I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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