My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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