yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize