So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just want nice things and good sex
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
