Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize