He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
