Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
