who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
