so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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