I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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