This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
