I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
True college students do jello shots in the library
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