I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
