wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
