I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
3 2 1 whiskey
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
