Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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