the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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