just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize