i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
