I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
