this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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