He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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