Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
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