I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize