Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
