i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
