I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
